


Canti, the AntiCat!

by EsculentEvil



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Animal Transformation, Cat!Anti, Cruelty, Emotional Manipulation, Enemies to Friends, Family Fluff, Gaslighting, Gen, Headcanon, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Magical Accidents, Nonsexual Noncon, Parody, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Personification, Puns & Word Play, References to Depression, Screenplay/Script Format, Therapy, Unhealthy Relationships, stage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-02-01 07:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21436255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EsculentEvil/pseuds/EsculentEvil
Summary: A handful of scripts centering around Anti after he gets turned into a void black cat by Marvin.
Kudos: 33





	1. Language of Love (For Cats—even glitchy ones)

**Anti, after being turned into a little black cat by Marvin**: [sits in Seán’s lap and chews on his beard]

**Seán, while doing a livestream and cat-sitting Anti**: The Fook? Stop that!

**A JSE Fan that’s also a cat lover**: [in a donation] You know, when cats eat/lick your hair—be it on your head or your face—they’re really saying _I Love You_.

**Seán, now cuddling an embarrassed Anti**: D’awwww! I love ya, too, buddy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by @therealjacksepticeye’s obvious love for cats in his Minecraft videos [It’s that soft little meow’s enough ta make my knees weak!]; especially what he said while going after that one black cat: “O, it’s ta cute little black cat! O, o, o, I need you; ooo, I need you for my base! … You were the cutest one! … An all black cat… I gave you fish! WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME!?” xD;;; I also just love the idea of Marvin turning Anti into a cat to piss him off or get revenge… Plus, the idea that the community’s fellow cat lovers would conveniently leave out the territorial explanation for the hair eating/licking and only tell Seán the affectionate one just to tease Anti~
> 
> [Check out the Tumblr version here!](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/187276725758/septic-scripts-language-of-love-for-catseven)


	2. Super Cat Toy

**Jackie**: [flops down onto the couch after a long day of heroing]

**Anti**: [leaps onto the back of the couch after being hexed into a cat by Marvin]

**Jackie**: [notices nothing]

**Anti**: [prowls around on the couch’s back, stalking his victim]

**Jackie**: [dozes]

**Anti**: [pounces]

**Jackie**: [yelps]

**Jackie’s superonesie’s drawstrings**: [cry in despair from betwixt Anti’s claws]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Check out the Tumblr version here!](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/188828131219/septic-scripts-super-cat-toy)


	3. AntiCatbert

**Henrik**: [walks into his home office at the crack of dawn on a weekend morning] Ah… Vhere did I put Edvard’s papers?

[Henrik moves about his office in search of aforementioned papers—a case-file given to him by a fellow doctor named Edward Iplier—only to find a cat, instead.]

**Henrik**: [raises a brow at the void black feline in his desk chair] … Anti?

**Anti**: [in the form of a void black cat] Mr~ow.

**Henrik**: [huffs in annoyance and glares down at the AntiCat, his hands on hips] Zhis ez mien chair, Anti. Pleaze, get offz et.

**Anti**: [curls up tightly—admittedly cutely—and flicks the tip of his tail in pleasure]

**Henrik**: [ignoring the urge to coo because, drama, the Septics love cats, too] Anti…! Off!

**Anti**: [stares up at Henrik, tail still flicking, and starts to purr, as though saying _My Chair Now~_]

**Henrik**: [sighs, exasperated—more so with himself than with Anti, at this point] Fine!

[The Septic Doctor drags another chair—the one he keeps around for _patients_—to—he cringes—the wrong side of his own desk, so he can still sit and work, before going back on a hunt for the file from Dr. Iplier. All the while, he mutters: _And ‘ere I zhought zhere vas nozhing eviler in buziness zhan Catbert!_]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those wondering… yes: I am referencing Catbert from the Dilbert comic strips. Loved him.
> 
> [Check out the Tumblr version here!](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/188919337186/septic-scripts-anticatbert)


	4. Canti-in-a-Cup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for references to depression, alcoholism, and anxiety

**Chase**: [mega stressed; just hung up on his ex-wife after holiday plans blew up; frustratedly trying not to cry; fighting the urge to destroy things or, worse, drink; swallows the need to scream profanities at the woman back in Ireland; hurt; sighs; makes his way downstairs and to the cupboard in the kitchen; reaches in]

**Anti**: [stuck in the form of a void black cat; curled up in a very large mug] _h~ss!_

**Chase**: !!! [lurches back, heart in throat; stares, horrified, into multicolored eyes] … Anti?

**Anti**: [stares back in silence]

**Chase**: [breathes anxiously; chuckles nervously; waves unsurely] H-hi, bro…

**Anti**: [slow blinks] _Mr~w_

**Chase**: [scratches the back of his head and eyes the cup Anti’s curled up in] That, um… That’s my paper-ball basket-cup, dude…

**Anti**: [would probably be raising an eyebrow if he were still in Seán’s image]

**Chase**: [swallows thickly, wetly<strike>, tearfully</strike>] I uh… kinda need it right now, buddy.

[Chase stares hopefully at the AntiCat as Canti stares back thoughtfully at him]

**Anti**: [uncurls enough to beckon Chase with a void black paw]

**Chase**: [disheartened; fully expecting to be clawed; reaches out anyway; wonders why, exactly, he’s so dramatically gullible, easy, and obedient]

[But Canti surprises Chase: he doesn’t turn the outstretched hand into ribbons; instead, he paws it closer until he can headbutt it and purrs, a wordless order.]

**Chase**: [stares, gobsmacked; then chuckles breathlessly and softly pets Anti] Thanks, man… [because this helps him way more than missing most of his shots]

**Anti**: [simply twitches an ear at the quiet words of gratitude and purrs louder]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea, I like Soft!Anti. Don’t get me wrong! I love him going around, messing everyone’s day up; but I also like the idea that if he isn’t the one bringing a person down, he’ll be soft and help them. Hopefully that’s not too out of character; honestly, though, I think it fits him—especially as a cat!
> 
> [Check out the Tumblr version here!](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/188942572808/septic-scripts-canti-in-a-cup)


	5. Canti Cong

**Jameson**: [pokes head through doorway; makes a beckoning gesture; smiles]

**Anti**: [in the shape of a void black cat; fears nothing, not even curiosity; follows]

**Jameson**: [giddily leads the almost foot long feline to his personal stage room]

**Anti**: [stands by the door, observing as Whiskey hurries over to his camera]

**Jameson**: [double checks that the recording equipment is ready for them before grabbing a pull cord on his left and beckoning an incentive to Canti, yet again]

**Anti**: [realizes the chord is for the red, velvet curtains in the center of the room; also realizes the mute Ego wants him to actually go to aforementioned curtains; surprised; cautiously (but still fearlessly) goes to the stage waiting in the center]

**Jameson**: [claps thrice like Seán counts down and claps before recording]

**Anti**: [twitches an ear and stares at him]

**Jameson**: [gives Canti a thumbs up and pulls the cord]

**Anti**: [watches the curtain go up; realizes the camera is already recording; stares down at the stage revealed: a tiny town with tiny townsfolk; confused]

**Jameson**: [snaps fingers to get Canti’s attention; signs for the AntiCat to _play_]

[Anti stares at Jameson for a silent, still moment before turning to the tiny town; understanding, now, what he’s supposed to do, Canti raises up on his hind legs before, like a monster, pouncing on all the toys laid out domestically before him; puppets go flying, barbie houses are destroyed, even the layout gets cracked; and Whiskey happily films it all, switching between preset cameras for different angles and shot types and lighting effects and even some really good close ups; when the debris settles, Canti sits happily with a tiny, mutilated doll in his maw; there’s dust in his fur, pieces of buildings and bodies stuck to his small form, and the long hairs of his fluffy scruff and tail have snagged on the miniature rubble in a way reminiscent of demonic tentacles or tendrils from a literal Lovecraft being.]

**Jameson**: [excitedly claps to let Canti know they’re done; runs up and pets him before waving to the camera (rather: the audience) and drawing the curtains]

**Anti**: [purrs at being pet; flicks the tip of his tail, pleased; chews the dead doll]

**Jameson**: [silently laughs; signs:] _Good show, ol’ chap! Better than even Kong! Now… What setting shall we destroy next?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those wondering: Whiskey is my Anti’s nickname for JJ since Jameson is a whiskey brand; he also uses it because he thinks it’s highly ironic [because Chase is the alcoholic Ego, not JJ]; this is also tied into the fact that Seán, himself, seems to associate JJ with Suntory Whiskey.
> 
> Also, did you All know that Cong is actually a word? It means several different things but, really, I was most amused intrigued by it being “ a form of ancient Chinese jade artifact.” I mean, the title of this piece was just a play on King Kong, sort of like Futurama’s Queen Quong, you know? But, instead, I end up accidentally calling Canti a jade vessel from ancient China. I love it, lmao!
> 
> [Check out the Tumblr version here!](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/189008034757/septic-scripts-canti-cong)


	6. Cat-astrophic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there's Zalgo text in this one; as well as gaslighting, emotional manipulation, and cruelty from both Anti and then Marvin

[Marvin stands alone in his personal brewing chamber beside a large cauldron; he keeps one eye on the bubbling mass inside of it and the other on his hands; the sound of slicing fills the air as he carefully turns a few roots into ingredients; his actions are quiet, especially compared to the brew, but another is quieter still]

**Anti**: [floating in a corner behind the brewer] Wel͝l~҉ ̢Isn’͢t̵ t̸’is̶ q͜uaįn͠t~͘?̛

[Marvin freezes at the purring voice, his stomach seizing and heart hiccuping; panic grips him as he grips his knife; the cauldron bubbles as the Glitch giggles; his subconscious screams that the evil being is distracting him and to STOP IT]

**Anti**: T͡r͏yi͜n͡’ ta ͠c̶ook͠ so̢me͜t̨’in͟g, m̸̨agn҉’͜͡f̵i̧c̶e̶̕n̷͢t?͠

[Marvin scowls and glares at that pun; he hates how the creature does that; hates how the monster can always make fun of his namelessness even now]

**Marvin**: Ye won’t be makin’ fun when it kills ya!

**Anti**: [laughs] Ḳ͎̞̜̣͚̰̈ͫ͒i̥̞̝̻̮̝̘ͤl͚͖̞͉̼̰̼̇l̔̎͏͙͚̪̭͙͓s̤͙ͤ̿̉̃̍̆ͅ ̹͈͇͈̦̥̺̅͒ͯͯm̠̘ͫͪͯ͒͊̀̚e̹̻͖̮͟‽͔̦̬̲̠́̏ͫ̒́ͤ͊ T’i̷s͘ gr̡a̧p̴e ̴ju͞i̵ce c̡o͝uldn͘’͡t̷ ̛even ̵h̷e̛l̸p̡ ̢J͕͖͇̺̼͇̭ͦͭ͐͆ͧA͛͗̀̌C̷ͧ̚Ḵ̫̫̪̝͖̮I͍̪̳͌̆͐̄̚E̴̾̽ͨ͛͆̏ do̷ ̢th̷at!

**Marvin**: [angry] This _grape juice_ is for ME! And with it, Jackie and I will END you!

**Anti**: [coos] O͡~ ̛What’s̵ t̕’is? [hoovers closer with a menacing, mocking grin] Do͝es̢ t̨’e li͢tt̴le ̕m̶a̛g͝i͟cia͠n͞ ̴t’i͠nk ̢he’̢s̶ Jac̛kįeb̛oy’s s͠iḑe͝kic̡k; t̨’at̴ he’s̕ ͟w̢or͠t̡h̡ s͏om̕’͡t͟’ing? D̶oes̶ ͞_li͡tt̸l͞e ̸w͝a̡n͢d ̧bơy͠_ t͘’ink̛ ̡he fina͏l͘ly ͏b͘e҉lon̵gs~?҉ [the grin suddenly falls away, replaced with a hypnotically disgusted look] Y̮̖̖̯̝̑ͦ̃̓e̩͍̭̜̭͎̺ͥ̉ͮ̍ ͎͇̱̩͎̩̃s̛ͯ̈̉̋̿ͪͧh̟̣̯͎̖̠̮͗͆õ̫̟̠̹͓̰̟ͤ̚u̖̦̽̏͗͜ļ̰̺̘̰̯̠͐̌̅̾͌͒ͦd̢̻̪͂̋ͥ͐̊̔̿n̸̥̥͇ͩ͒ͮ̈̀ͨ’͉̬͉̞ͅt͍̳̣̿͛̿̂̃ͫ̚̕.͆́ͩ͑

**Marvin**: [whimpers; clutches at air when Anti cheekily glitches his knife away; stares at that same knife and all the root skins still attached to it and feels sick; idly wonders if that’s how he’ll end—skinned alive by his own sodding knife; backs away from the giggling Glitch and the weapon that was once his; terrified]

**Anti**: [picking root skins off the magician’s sharp blade] P̨o͟o̡r̷ lit͟t͝l͘e _Wan҉d͜ B̕o͘y̧_~ [chuckles] At le͠ast, n̡ow͞, y̨e h͜av̢e ̛a n͓͉̱̜̫̥a҉͈̹̹̹̙m̨͍̞͎̣ͅe͇.͡.͝.

**Marvin**: [TRIGGERED; grabs the wand kept hidden under his lowest bookshelf] My NAME is MARVIN THE MAGNIFICENT, ye dumb _GLITCH BITCH_!!!

[Marvin throws a book to distract the knife-wielding villain before chanting softly; he arcs his wand and holds out his palm, guiding his magic, hoping it WORKS; sparks fly and the brewing room floods with light; Anti curses and screams]

**Marvin**: [stands shakily in the aftermath; stares into the sudden darkness] Anti?

**Anti**: [hisses—in pain?]

**Marvin**: [swallows nervously, wondering what went wrong] W-where are ye?

**Anti**: [hisses more; growls too, then finally:] _M̜̹r̞̳̭̺ͅ~̸̻w̕  
_

[Both Marvin and the unseen Anti freeze]

**Marvin**: W-wha…? [scared] BB‽‽‽

**Anti**: [hisses again before:] _R̸̴̨̜̟̥̤̬̞͕̟~̘̰̗~̨̝̗̬̠͞ͅw̷̫͢!͔̹͎͓͎͟͞_

**Marvin**: [slowly understanding what happened; relaxes; chuckles softly] O, man.

**Anti**: [hisses like an angry cat… because that’s what he now is]

**Marvin**: [wanders in the direction of all the kitten sounds] Anti… heh, here kitty!

**Anti**: [hisses and YOWLS in protest]

**Marvin**: [openly laughing now] Here, kitty kitty! Ye want some CATNIP‽

[Marvin keeps laughing even after he hears Anti glitch tactically out the door]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you All go! The final piece in the Canti the AntiCat series: HOW IT ALL BEGAN!
> 
> If you're interested, [check out the Tumblr version here!](https://esculentevil.tumblr.com/post/189053559586/septic-scripts-cat-astrophic)
> 
> Also, I know this’ll be a pretty unpopular opinion after reading this but I feel it must be said: Anti’s NOT evil in this [tho I get why you wouldn’t believe that after what he says/does here]; Anti’s just a non-human being acting a villainous role and never allowed to NOT be Antisepticeye around the other Egos—Seán’s literally the only one that knows who/what Anti really is—so, when Anti wants to do anything remotely nice, he can’t; he has to literally be cruel to be kind; here, for example, Anti has to tease Marvin into seeing himself as Jackie’s sidekick or he won’t. So, yea, I know it won’t make sense to a lot of people but I know I need to say it or else nothing will make sense and anyone who’s read the previous scripts will be really confused by this one; Anti’s not forced to be cruel when he’s Canti and that’s why this particular post might seem off; it’s also why there’s so much fluff and humor in the other scripts: Anti’s able to be more himself.
> 
> That aside, there’s a part in this script that was inspired by @scrawl-your-heart-out’s prompt: “Oh? You feel like you belong?” the villain hissed. “You shouldn’t.” Not exact, but still: credit!
> 
> Lastly: Thank you All for your support; this has been a lot of fun; but it was more so with you.


End file.
